oh for fucks sake, some people are such cunts.

i don't like that word, but in this situation it's the only word close to fitting. i had no idea that we were still in high school, and that it was still okay to be a pathetic rumor spreading twat. no, i do not have chlamydia. yes, i was at the doctors because there is something wrong with my lady land... i have some fucked up issue with my ovaries that causes me to pass out and possibly not have kids. not the clap. so, if you're gonna be a fucking twat and say i gave you the clap go right ahead. i'll tell people the truth and you will look like a fucking idiots because 1. we used s condom. 2. when i found out what was wrong, i got an std check that was clean. and i had that two weeks ago, we had sex months ago. 3. you are a fucking idiot, so keep making yourself look like a fool. talk is cheap, and kicking you in your not so pleasing cock is priceless. 

how many people have you slept with?

that's always the big question. and the answer always comes with the chance of you being a slut. it's worse for girls, if a girl has a high number she's a whore... yet, when a boy has slept with a high number he's the man. i don't see how this shit works aye? my flat mate has slept with more than three times the people i have... yet, he says i'm a "little whore". i'm not even the bloody double digits yet. yeah, sex may not be a big deal to me... maybe it's because i think love is all shit and people are always confusing lust for love. or, maybe it's the fact i have my issues and sex just means nothing but sex. but, back to my point. where's the equality at boys?! you're just as slutty, if not sluttier than i am by sleeping with so many more people than me. so, how 'bout you check out the log in your eye before you hassle me about the twig in mine, aye?

sorry blogspot, i'm cheating on yo' ass. i got tumblr. 

www.ohhellosammy.tumblr.com

pretty sure i now have the worlds prettiest foot.

ffffffff off with your negativity!

man, i'm so sick and tired of peoples negative shit. seriously, i know shit can be hard. trust me, i know. it's one reason i keep my blog and a journal. but, facebook? really? i don't give a shit. i know it's rude, but when i'm upset i don't want the whole world knowing... i don't mind vom all over my blog for attention (i'm pretty sure no one reads it anyway, haha) i mind vom on my blog to get it out. if i wanted to be an attention seeking twat, i'd bitch and moan over facebook like a 15yr old. but seriously, i'm 18 and i know it's stupid. everyone needs to grow up and get over the little things. life's way to short to worry about the little things. i'm  sick of people complaining about so much tiny shit as if it's the end of the world. i've seriously been to hell and back, yet i don't bitch and moan for everyone to see. grow up, please and thankyou.

liz 'fg' said it perfectly when she said "your frush is pretty much a sticky substance that lingers and there's no pill or cream to fix it." 

but, i think it's probs worse when they use the b word, yup best friend. having a crush on a best friend... oh get worse. do you have any idea how much of an awkward situation it is?! it's an unavoidable situation though. you spend time together, you get to know each other and you get to know secrets and obviously, spending so much time together, it's bound to happen. you start crushing. 

do you have any idea how awkward it is when you know you're crushing and you're starting to get the idea he's crushing too?! ffffffff. talk about mind fuck. there's already a super tight bond there, and he starts being cute and flirty... yeah, that's something new. well, not completely new. he's a flirty boy, just not usually with you. untill recently. you hang out more, he asks you to "please come to beer pong tonight". you go, he randomly puts his arm around you (not like the bffl arm over the shoulder, that ugly thing cute couples do that make you wanna vom all over yourself), kisses your forhead goodbye. then, you go out to a party together, he randomly holds your hand, and... dun dun dun, he ends up kissing you. 

yeah, i'm in this situation... and, now that the friend zone slash possible more than friend zone is being all blurred and mixed up, my head is even more mixed up. good one, sammy. pretty sure it can't get more awkward now. and, i'm all like "weeeh do i give it a go, or nah." and "wait, omg i i did not just pash him." and, "fuck this better not ruin the friendship." because, obviously it's easier when you "frush" secretly and just stay bffls.

and, in other news check out liz's blog

http://ayeshesays.blogspot.com/

it's uncomfortable how much i would like to kiss you.

i can't figure out if it's a good thing or not how close we're becoming...

i wish i was better at taking photos of myself, hahaha.

i gave him a go and i instantly regret it. as soon as i said yes, he started being a total cunt. not just to me, but to my friends. kicked his ass to the curb straight away. but, kinda made me realize... i'm over being single, and lonely and shit. like, i know i always go on about how much i hate relationships and stuff. but, i also hate being alone. it's well, lonely. and, i'm over it. i'm also over one night stands. 

i want something real.

i want to feel something for once...

pretty sure, nothing is more of a turn on than a boy that knows how to dress.

i complain about being the ugly duckling out of my friends, the one who all her guy mates think all her girl mates are so fantastic but don't pay any attention to, the one who can never be past the friend zone, the "sister"... yet, when a boy is genuinely interested in me, i'm not keen? maybe it's because i'm not used to having male attention towards me, it's making me skeptical about it all. about how out of all girls, it's me he wants. or, maybe it's because when ever i do get noticed by boys, and pass the friend zone it fucks up everything and i get hurt?

okay, so there's actually a bit of a story behind this. he's from out of town, and over the summer we met at a party. i only live a few streets down from this party, so i was walking home after it. as i said goodbye to everyone he offered to walk me home, being that it was some ridiculous hour and i live in a rough area. he walked me home, and i thought that was that. until, a few weeks later i saw him out clubbing. we ended up exchanging numbers at the end of the night, again i thought that was that... we kept in contact, went out a few times. kept in contact, then nothing. nothing for months. i actually forgot about him, to be quite honest.. then, out of the blue a few weekends ago i saw him. i thought i was just way to drunk or something at first, then i realized it was actually him. he seemed so happy to see me. i was just like, uh aye?! turns out he was in italy studying photography for the past few months. now, he's been back every weekend since. being super cute towards me, admitting he wants to woo me... but, as soon as he starts to show me positive attention, i'm all... i don't know, not keen or something?

i think maybe i'm just to set in collecting cats to die alone with... 

being a crazy cat lady just seems far to appealing for my own good.

i think i'm going to make a tumblr.

“There are 6,775,235,842 people in the world. Why are you letting one of them ruin your life?”

 - Alfredo Flores

note to self:
do not try be nice and random... it ends up rather awkward.

this has happened to me far to much lately, no more nice sammy. normal sarcastic bitch sammy is here to stay. f my life.

seriously, at high school we were almost never apart until your new group of friends came along. they have the same beliefs as you, same morals, same faith. all things i lacked. but, at least i didn't lack loyalty like you.

at the end of the year you promised that you'd stick by me. you knew i was worried about everyone moving off to uni and growing up and changing. you promised me that you'd stick by me. we were two of the small few staying at home. yet, i never see you. i never hear from you. it's like we're strangers. like everything we went trough doesn't matter? boy, it hurts. i thought of all people you would never break a promise. but, hey. look at us now. oh wait... there is no us.

you're to stuck in your perfect world, with your perfect friends, living your perfect life. well, y'know what? screw you. i tried. you didn't. so, i'm not blaming myself for the lost "friendship", i'm blaming you. i tried, and over and over again you didn't make an effort. i'm over making an effort for those who don't bother to make an effort for me.

i hope you read this, and realise this is about you. because yeah, it is about you and for you.

read it and weep honey,

read it and weep.

i've honestly never been so scared, in my entire life. i know they know what they're doing, and what to do when i get the results... but, if the results aren't good, it's the rest of my life living with it. i don't want another reason to be damaged goods. i've got enough reasons to be as it is, i don't need another one. i'm terrified.

lastnight i was asked why i don't have a boyfriend...

um, if i knew do you think i'd maybe have one? i have no idea why i don't have a boyfriend, or why i'm always the single one out of all my friends. i just am. it's not that i do or don't want a boyfriend. i'm just, not really bothered about being single... yeah i get lonely. but, what ever.

i replyed to the question with "i don't do relationships." why don't i do relationships? because it's easier. i don't like wearing my heart on my sleave... most of all, i don't like being vunerable and opening myself up to the chance of getting hurt. yeah, i know if you don't take chances nothing will happen bla bla bla... but, i've taken chances and everytime i've ended up hurt. i don't like opening up to people, because when ever i let someone in... it doesn't end up good. i kinda can't win though, i either open up and get hurt, or i don't open up and i get hurt. it's shit and a never ending cycle. my life moto is "good time, not a long time". and, yeah that doesn't always work... but atleast i only have a one night "attachment", rather than months and months of attatchment and memories and "love".

i don't do relationships, but if i had the chance and a decent boy came along maybe i would... but for now, i'm remain the single one and not worry about relationships.

you were well worth breaking my rules for...

this really reminds me of my bestfriend & i.

(oi lauren, do you agree?)



i give up,

time to start my cat collection.

i've got you under my skin.

you kinda scare the shit out of me, but in a good way.