Wednesday, July 27, 2011

pretty sure, nothing is more of a turn on than a boy that knows how to dress.
i complain about being the ugly duckling out of my friends, the one who all her guy mates think all her girl mates are so fantastic but don't pay any attention to, the one who can never be past the friend zone, the "sister"... yet, when a boy is genuinely interested in me, i'm not keen? maybe it's because i'm not used to having male attention towards me, it's making me skeptical about it all. about how out of all girls, it's me he wants. or, maybe it's because when ever i do get noticed by boys, and pass the friend zone it fucks up everything and i get hurt?

okay, so there's actually a bit of a story behind this. he's from out of town, and over the summer we met at a party. i only live a few streets down from this party, so i was walking home after it. as i said goodbye to everyone he offered to walk me home, being that it was some ridiculous hour and i live in a rough area. he walked me home, and i thought that was that. until, a few weeks later i saw him out clubbing. we ended up exchanging numbers at the end of the night, again i thought that was that... we kept in contact, went out a few times. kept in contact, then nothing. nothing for months. i actually forgot about him, to be quite honest.. then, out of the blue a few weekends ago i saw him. i thought i was just way to drunk or something at first, then i realized it was actually him. he seemed so happy to see me. i was just like, uh aye?! turns out he was in italy studying photography for the past few months. now, he's been back every weekend since. being super cute towards me, admitting he wants to woo me... but, as soon as he starts to show me positive attention, i'm all... i don't know, not keen or something?

i think maybe i'm just to set in collecting cats to die alone with... 
being a crazy cat lady just seems far to appealing for my own good.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

i think i'm going to make a tumblr.

Monday, July 25, 2011

“There are 6,775,235,842 people in the world. Why are you letting one of them ruin your life?”
 - Alfredo Flores

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

note to self:
do not try be nice and random... it ends up rather awkward.

this has happened to me far to much lately, no more nice sammy. normal sarcastic bitch sammy is here to stay. f my life.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

seriously, at high school we were almost never apart until your new group of friends came along. they have the same beliefs as you, same morals, same faith. all things i lacked. but, at least i didn't lack loyalty like you.

at the end of the year you promised that you'd stick by me. you knew i was worried about everyone moving off to uni and growing up and changing. you promised me that you'd stick by me. we were two of the small few staying at home. yet, i never see you. i never hear from you. it's like we're strangers. like everything we went trough doesn't matter? boy, it hurts. i thought of all people you would never break a promise. but, hey. look at us now. oh wait... there is no us.

you're to stuck in your perfect world, with your perfect friends, living your perfect life. well, y'know what? screw you. i tried. you didn't. so, i'm not blaming myself for the lost "friendship", i'm blaming you. i tried, and over and over again you didn't make an effort. i'm over making an effort for those who don't bother to make an effort for me.

i hope you read this, and realise this is about you. because yeah, it is about you and for you.
read it and weep honey,
read it and weep.

Monday, July 18, 2011

i've honestly never been so scared, in my entire life. i know they know what they're doing, and what to do when i get the results... but, if the results aren't good, it's the rest of my life living with it. i don't want another reason to be damaged goods. i've got enough reasons to be as it is, i don't need another one. i'm terrified.

Friday, July 15, 2011

lastnight i was asked why i don't have a boyfriend...

um, if i knew do you think i'd maybe have one? i have no idea why i don't have a boyfriend, or why i'm always the single one out of all my friends. i just am. it's not that i do or don't want a boyfriend. i'm just, not really bothered about being single... yeah i get lonely. but, what ever.

i replyed to the question with "i don't do relationships." why don't i do relationships? because it's easier. i don't like wearing my heart on my sleave... most of all, i don't like being vunerable and opening myself up to the chance of getting hurt. yeah, i know if you don't take chances nothing will happen bla bla bla... but, i've taken chances and everytime i've ended up hurt. i don't like opening up to people, because when ever i let someone in... it doesn't end up good. i kinda can't win though, i either open up and get hurt, or i don't open up and i get hurt. it's shit and a never ending cycle. my life moto is "good time, not a long time". and, yeah that doesn't always work... but atleast i only have a one night "attachment", rather than months and months of attatchment and memories and "love".

i don't do relationships, but if i had the chance and a decent boy came along maybe i would... but for now, i'm remain the single one and not worry about relationships.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011