Tuesday, February 15, 2011
starting tech and loving it, william fitzsimmons, moving to the mount, coffee, coffee, coffee, clubbing, parties, drinking, starfish, that boy i like, bestfriends, solo blink182 listening parties, my tattoo has completly healed, jimmy eat world in april, partypills, finishing working at the ymca, late night misions at mount dury park, stories, staying up late and sleeping all day, having a shit tan but people still saying how tan i am, finding fun stuff as i pack to move, some of my friends staying in tauranga/the mount, weed, my little brothers, black nail polish, cute boy at tech, gingerbeer, calling people a "tit", dancing till my feet blister
sluts being slutty, everyone that i actually like leaving me, the fear in the fact i'm moving, being broke as soon, study link and how useless they are, i'm going to be permanitly broke, does he like me too?, being over the fuckwit that's a total fuckwit, being to broke to get more tattoos, having a dislocated shoulder and rib, falling into the garden at the powhiri, how hot it is, missing people, that stupid "happiness "song that's stupid
Saturday, February 12, 2011
sometimes i try put how i feel into words, but i really just can't. i end up getting frustrated at the fact no one understand, i get angry that i can never explain myself properly and i just end up making no sense. it's now at the point where all i can say is, why care? there's no point in giving a fuck. when you care, you end up hurting. i don't like feeling numb, but i like it more than hurting. i once constantly hurt and ache, so now i no longer care. fuck it. there's no point in caring and worrying what others think. time to be selfish and do me. i can't be bothered explaining myself, and most of all changing myself. i may not be super skinny, i may not be the smartest, nor the prettiest, sometimes i am a mess and sometimes i'm absolutely fine. but, y'know what... i'm human. fuck being perfect, and fuck caring that i am not perfect. 'cause, i am me. i make mistakes, i regret, i hurt, and i am far from perfect. but, i'm me and that's not gonna change. and, i'm happy with that. i'd rather be me, than be trying to be someone else, even if i don't always like myself. i'd rather be me, than an attempted carbon copy of what i never will be.